I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it's like iHOP with fire
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
