The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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