woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
