You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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