I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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