apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
