I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
