ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
