When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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