A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
