Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
