I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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