My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
