You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
