Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
