I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
