he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
