my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
