I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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