i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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