all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
