I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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