i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
