Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
