I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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