NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My bed smells like the plague
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
