why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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