every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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