i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
