My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
