she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
