I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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