That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
