we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
