I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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