i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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