If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
