you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
