see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I looked at my own cervix.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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