Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
