i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
