In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
