I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
