Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
