no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
