College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
