Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
