I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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