Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
