On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
