He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
