Umm I'm too high to move.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
