im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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