i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
