I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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