so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she peed on how many people?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
