It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
