I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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